so its 5 thirty something here and i have not slept in like 30 hours, and my eyes hurt even when i blink they hurt. i have to turn the light off because if my mom sees my light on she will know i’m not asleep and she will harass me about sleeping, if she realizes that i’ve gone too long without sleeping she will take my car keys and blah blah blah..punishment, consequences, drugging…blah blah blah..call your therapist, inpatient stays..etc..lets just not get into what will happen if anyone finds out that ive started not sleeping again, and am barely eating. its not that i mean to, its just that..i can’t control my mind lately. i try and try, but it happens differently. i fix a meal and then i take a bite or two and my tongue rejects it and my throats like eww, what the fuck is that. and i can’t eat any more of it. and i try to sleep. i lay in my bed with the lights off in the dark. i just lay there and then all the thoughts creep in and i can’t sleep. i worry and worry and worry until i feel its appropriate for me to get up and try to do somethign about the things i’m worried about. anyhow tonight i had the miss fortune of falling on my forehead, but don’t worry the corner of my bed caught me, or my forehead. so now i have a knot the size of russia on my dome, and i’m not sure how i’ll explain this to the people who will think i am lying, and they have every right, because i lie so frequently sometimes i forget the truth, or i start to believe my lies as truth, and depending on how much sleep i get and if i happen to get my meds in my system who knows what i may say or do. anywho..the sun is rising and now is hte perfect time to get a quick cat nap, before my brain decides it wants to go run 5 miles on teh treadmill…